Poetry : Plenty of fish

They say when it comes to love, there are plenty of fish in the sea. But it seems many of these fish just aren’t the fish for me. I see them swimming and with brilliant colors and personality. But underneath they are all looking for someone who apparently just isn’t me. So I tell myself to just keep swimming and to just keep hoping. And maybe this is the thinking that leads to coping.

Maybe one day I’ll find one that stops me from running. Someone beautiful, some intelligent, someone cunningly stunning.

I wonder how these little fish go about their day, always finding the right things to say. But connections fade, and interest is lost, and separate ways gone is usually the cost. I understand the reasons why we lie about the truth, because fear of rejection is not a feeling meant to soothe. It’s a perspective of character flaws that an individual finds defective, and instead of being reflective and adapting we give leave to despair and become deceptive. Hiding and shaving away, all the shades of grey that mentally makes us give up on wanting to make it all okay.

But we swim, we bite hooks and we are pulled into situations that stress, the possible ridicule of how we act and how we dress, trying to impress and win, and make ourselves enticing, like a cake in a bakery with elaborately colored icing. But at the end of the day it doesn’t even matter. How much we have of confidence, how much class, or how much cash. If you aren’t the right fish, your future with that catcher always end with a splash.

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Poetry : I’m not even mad

What’s funny is I’ve finally realized what a goddamn insufferable loser I am. And honestly I’m not even mad…it just sucks that every step I take forward I always take three of them bitches backwards. Again I’m not even mad, I have a sister who hates my guts and one that’s probably headed in the same direction.

The people I count as friends is a group that dwindles daily. It’s funny how fucking fake some people are, unapologetic assholes who are just fair weather fodder for social envy. People who fucking make me sick that a courtesy couldn’t even have extended to someone so easily unfriended. Lol that makes me a little mad, I’ll bounce back, but just barely, and it’ll all go to shit.

Honestly I open up to people I regret it, it all backfires because apparently I have loser written all over me. I have some real great people who really care, but everyone else lol, all you do is sit and stare and you know who you are and how far shits fallen from grace. I’m not even mad, I’m just a dirtbag I’m just a loser, I’m not a friend I’m just the lesson, I’m fat kid, the secret confession.

I’m just the definition of what not to do, that piece of shit bastard that jokes around and laughs at you. I bust jokes and I make fun, I keep it light hearted so it’s easier to run. I wear a mask for every situation, always Interchangeable and always at arms length.

Because I’ll never let anyone hurt me except me with my own strength. Fuck you for caring and trying to stay, fuck you for not running away. And fuck you for being there through, that goes to my real friends. But fuck doesn’t just mean fuck you to me, it also means thank you just not all politely and pretty.

If you read this whole thing it’s just me writing. I’m not gonna off myself. Sometimes I just need to get shit off my chest. Lol scaring the shit out of people apparently works best. But seriously, some of you are fucking dicks. Some of your aren’t too bad, but honestly I’m not even mad.

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Daily Prompt: Childlike

Explain your biggest regret — as though to a small child.

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Sometimes two people meet, and then they become friends, and then that friendship becomes like when you mommy and daddy smile and hug and kiss each other. Sometimes this goes on and on for a long time, and eventually those people become mommies and daddies, and get married. Marriage isn’t an easy thing to explain, its like a birthday, but when two people who love each very much become a permanent girlfriend and boyfriend. And sometime it doesn’t work, like when one of your toys break, or when you get mad a friend for saying something that hurts your feelings.

Sometimes you don’t want to be their friend anymore, sometimes everything you say becomes a fight. Do you know what a regret is? its when  you wish you could do something, but aren’t able to and people are just as disappointed in you as you are with yourself. I know you loved her, i did too, i still do and i regret she couldn’t stay in our lives but it just didn’t work. We just fought a lot and nothing was ever nice of fun between us before her and her daughter left.

Yes i loved her daughter, yes i wanted to be her daddy too. But i also loved her too much to make her hurt more being in a relationship that she didn’t want to be in. I will always think about them, and always wonder what our lives would have been like with them in it. I will always regret losing them, but i refuse to regret losing you too.

-MythicalCrayon